Living with your parents as an adult can be a unique and sometimes challenging experience. After moving back in with my own parents, I’ve learned a lot about family dynamics, personal space, and how to make it all work. From enjoying quality time together to navigating everyday challenges, it’s been a journey full of lessons. In this blog, I’ll share my personal experience, along with the ups, downs, and tips for living with your parents as an adult.
Finding a New Purpose
After my father recently turned 90 and my mother 86, I found myself reflecting on life and what truly matters. I had been thinking about simplifying my life and doing something more meaningful for a long time. That’s why, after my daughters graduated from college and became independent, I decided to make a big change. As an empty nester, I sold my house and quit my job to join the Peace Corps.
Joining the Peace Corps felt like the perfect opportunity to give back and make a difference in the world. It was a chance to step out of my comfort zone, help others, and find a new sense of purpose. However, after waiting for almost a year, I received a rejection letter that completely changed my plans.
The rejection was hard to take, especially after all the effort and hope I had invested. It forced me to rethink my next steps and find another way to create a meaningful life.
Living with My Parents
Since I had already sold my house, thinking I would be leaving for a few years to join the Peace Corps, I made the decision to downsize my life completely. I gave away most of my belongings to my daughters to help them start fresh and build their new chapters. It felt good to know that my things could be useful to them as they began their independent lives.
With only a few personal belongings left, I decided to temporarily move in with my parents. I saw it as a meaningful opportunity to spend quality time with them as they grow older. Living with them has allowed me to offer support in any way I can while also reconnecting with them on a deeper, more personal level.
Unexpected Challenges Living with My Parents
When I decided to move in with my parents, I naively thought that since we were all older, everything would go smoothly. I assumed it would be easy for us to get along and settle into a comfortable routine. I was wrong.
What I didn’t realize was that some things never change, no matter how old we get. My parents have always been overprotective, and I quickly found out that even though I’m in my fifties, their protective instincts are still very much alive. They still worry about me, give me advice I don’t always need, and try to look out for me as if I’m much younger.
Here are some things I didn’t expect when living with my parents as an adult:
1. Constant Questions About My Day
My parents have an unshakable love for knowing exactly where I’m going, what I’m doing, and when I’ll be back. Whether it’s a short walk or a quick trip to the store, they want a full play-by-play. While I know it comes from a place of love, it can get a little overwhelming.
At one point, my dad even started tracking me on his phone—yes, tracking me! I thought, “Hey, this will at least cut down on the endless questions about my whereabouts.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Instead, it felt like I had a personal GPS unit monitoring my every move. Privacy? Forget it! If I stayed out a little too long, I’d get a call: “Why are you still at the park? Are you okay?” Let’s just say that idea backfired faster than I could say, “I’m an adult!”
2. Unsolicited Advice
My parents still feel the need to guide me on things like what I’m eating, how I’m spending my time, and even how much exercise I should get. Even though I’ve been plant-based for over 8 years and have no health issues, they still question my eating habits. They find it odd that I don’t eat meat and often encourage me to “just try a little,” as if one bite might change my mind.
Their advice always comes from a place of love, but it’s a clear reminder that, no matter how old I get, they will always see me as their child. It’s one of those moments that makes me smile and nod, understanding that their concern and guidance are simply part of who they are. Living with older parents has taught me that some things, like their care and protective instincts, never really change.
3. Different Routines
Adjusting to daily habits and routines while living with my parents has been a bit of a challenge. From their set mealtimes to the way they like to do things around the house, it’s been an ongoing effort for all of us to find a balance.
One thing I didn’t expect was the breakfast interrogation first thing in the morning. As soon as I wake up, they’re ready with a flurry of questions: “What are you eating? When are you eating? Why are you eating that?” It’s a lot to process when I’ve barely opened my eyes!
While I know they’re just curious and trying to stay involved, being bombarded with questions so early can feel overwhelming at times. Finding a routine that works for all of us has definitely taken some patience and understanding.
4. Struggles with Boundaries
Living with my parents again as an adult has been an interesting experience. We’ve managed physical boundaries well, giving each other space and respecting privacy.
The bigger challenge, however, has been navigating boundaries when it comes to my personal decisions. My parents sometimes overstep by questioning my choices or offering advice I didn’t ask for. While I understand it comes from a place of love and concern, it can feel overwhelming at times.
We’re working on finding a balance—one where they feel included but also respect my independence. It’s not always easy, but with patience and open communication, we’re making progress.
Finding Balance While Living with Older Parents
I’ve come to realize that living with my older parents isn’t all that different from when I was younger. My parents are who they are, and I am who I am. We’re different people, and that’s not something we can change. It’s been a challenge at times, but I’m grateful that my parents are still healthy and able to live independently.
For now, while they don’t need much physical help, I’ve decided to travel as much as I can. This gives my parents their privacy and independence while allowing me to enjoy the things I love, like exploring the world. It’s a balance that works for all of us, and I’m thankful for this time to focus on my passions while supporting my parents when they need me.
If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out my thoughts on the joys and challenges of parenting.
