I’ve never felt at ease around water, and that feeling comes from fear. My relationship with it has always been shaped by two terrifying moments in my life, both times when I came far too close to drowning. This is the story of my drowning experience, once as a child and again as an adult, and how that fear has never completely left me.
Childhood Memory at the River
A few years after we moved to the United States, my siblings and I joined my cousins, my uncle, and his three kids for a day at the river. All of us were close in age, and with a picnic spread out nearby, the adults relaxed while the kids played in the water. It felt carefree and fun at first.
The problem was that I didn’t know how to swim. I stayed near the edge until I suddenly slipped into deeper water. The moment my feet lost the ground, panic took over. I kicked as hard as I could, but the river kept pulling me under. My chest tightened, and the thought that I might drown rushed through me.
It wasn’t my parents or my uncle who noticed me, but my cousin, who was only a year younger. She saw me struggling and managed to drag me out of the water. I don’t remember exactly how she did it, only the shock of air filling my lungs once I was safe again. That childhood drowning scare ended quickly, but the memory has never faded.
Near-Drowning on a Rafting Trip
Many years later, when my daughters were teenagers, we joined a guided rafting trip on the Tuolumne River. The day was hot, the current strong, and everyone was ready for a little adventure. After paddling for a while, our group pulled over to rest.
The guide pointed to a small pond connected to the river and told us we could play there while he relaxed on shore. Two people from our raft jumped in first, splashing around and laughing. I followed, eager to cool off.
But I had made one mistake. Instead of wearing the life jacket, I kept on a regular jacket I had brought along, the kind you might use for biking. It had several large pockets. The moment I plunged into the water, those pockets filled instantly, turning the jacket heavy. Instead of keeping me afloat, it pulled me under.
I kicked hard, desperate to rise, but the weight dragged me deeper. Water rushed into my mouth, and I couldn’t shout for help. My daughters had just jumped in behind me, but they had no idea I was drowning right in front of them.
One of the men from our group saw my struggle. He swam toward me, grabbed hold, and hauled me out. By the time I could breathe again, my body was shaking. In seconds, a simple summer outing had turned into another drowning scare.
Living With a Fear of Water
After those two close calls, water never felt the same to me. Even though my family eventually put in a pool when I was about fifteen and I finally learned how to swim, the fear was still there. I could float, I could move across the pool, but I never became confident.
The thought of swimming in the ocean or stepping into deep water has always brought back the same uneasiness. No matter how many years pass, the memory of drowning stays close to the surface. It is not something I can just brush off.
Lessons From Almost Drowning
Both of these experiences could have ended very differently, but I was fortunate that someone noticed in time on both occasions. Without my cousin and later the stranger on the rafting trip, I might not have survived.
One thing I learned is that drowning is not always obvious. In both cases, it was almost impossible for me to call out for help. I couldn’t even speak because the water kept pulling me under. That silence made it even more dangerous.
The greatest lesson is that water should never be underestimated. It does not matter how strong you are or how skilled a swimmer you may be, it can overwhelm you in seconds. And because drowning can happen quietly, it is important to always be careful and to watch out for the people around you. A quick glance at the right time can save a life.
Why I Still Avoid Water
Even though I eventually learned to swim as a teenager, being in the water has never felt easy for me. Those near-drowning experiences left a fear that has never faded, shaping the way I feel about water to this day. On top of that, I get seasick almost every time I’m on a boat, which only makes things harder.
Even simple boat rides, the kind many people enjoy, often leave me feeling miserable. The most recent time was in Vietnam, when I joined a speeding boat tour. Instead of taking in the scenery, I spent most of the ride sick and uncomfortable. Moments like that remind me that water will never be a place of comfort for me.
Because of all this, I have found that I am happiest on land. The mountains, the trails, and the steady rhythm of nature bring me a sense of strength and belonging that water never has.
Looking Back on My Near-Drowning Experiences
Almost drowning twice is something I will never forget. Those moments were terrifying, and they left me with a fear that has shaped much of my life. When I think about them now, I don’t feel ashamed of that fear. I feel thankful that I survived and that someone was there to pull me out when I couldn’t even call for help.
Today, I carry that gratitude more than the fear. It reminds me how fragile life can be, and how quickly everything can change in a single moment.
